So, as sad as it may seem, tumblr you are my new best friend. I have no one else to turn to. My sadness and negativity are ruining my life, my mental well-being, and more importantly, my marriage. I can’t continue to use my husband as my own personal dumping ground for all the things I see wrong in my life - it is hurting him and it is causing him to resent my job and even me. I am starting to feel as though he rushed into marrying this girl he thought was perfect, only to realize that she, or me or I, am actually very chaotic in both thoughts and attitude. There are so many things wrong inside my mind it is becoming frightening. I have always felt that I had the mental fortitude to deal with the most ire and tragic of circumstances, now it is as if my fortress is crumbling. I feel like I am out of control and yet forcing myself to put on that brave face, the fake smile. Maybe if I pretend to be happy hard enough, then I just will be?